Archive | January, 2013

Here, Borrow My Fat Pants While I Put On These Skinny Jeans…

19 Jan

My mother and I are very close. She is seriously the best friend I have ever had. That’s probably why she ends up in my blog so often and secretly wants to back her car over me sometimes 🙂 Anyway, we’re best friends. She’s always there to encourage me in any endeavor that I take on, even some of my more crazy ideas (like losing weight for money). Today she wanted to make sure that as I lost weight I didn’t have to run around without clothes. The conversation went something like this:

Mom: “Hey I have a quick question. If somebody had some size 8-10 pants that they wanted to give away, would you be interested in them?”

Me: “Sure mom, just as soon as I lose 40 lbs I can probably squeeze into your old fat pants.”

Mom: “Great because I just put on some size 4s.”

Me: “I’m in my dark place.”

Okay it didn’t go like that exactly but that’s the Cliffs Notes version 🙂

Today has been okay for eating raw. I stayed super busy which always makes things easier. I did enjoy a trip to the office to share my amazing 100% raw guacamole with veggies which of course everyone loved because it’s AMAZING!
Well, tonight is date night at our house which means I’ll be keeping this brief. Chuck is going to enjoy a delicious meal while I sulk about how he never gains weight and we watch some Young Justice.

Diet tip of the day: When extreme dieting, make sure that you keep something delicious around for date night. I recommend “Food on Purpose” Choco Roonies. They’re these amazing raw chocolate macaroons that help tremendously while your husband is enjoying a delicious steak dinner in front of you and you’re enjoying a handful of raw cashews and a fruit smoothie. Yum!

Fat quote of the day: “A fat person doesn’t eat what’s right, but eats what’s left.”


I’m not overweight, I’m just nine inches too short…

17 Jan

Day 3
Mood: Apathetic
I always tell people when you’re going raw the hardest day is day 3 (of course I usually say this when they’re getting started and I’m tearing through a bag of Cheetos). Today I’ve decided it’s not true. Day 3 wasn’t hard at all actually. Though I have to admit I don’t necessarily feel motivated to exercise today, I also have to acknowledge that I’m not having horrible food cravings yet either. I know they’re coming and I know when they do I’m going to be dying inside for a deep-fried snickers corn dog wrapped in bacon and covered in caramel. However, today was a “piece of cake.”
In honor of my 3 days of dieting success I’ve decided to let you in on all my amazing secrets. I’m going to entitle these precious tidbits the Diet Tip of the Day. Enjoy below!

Diet Tip of the Day: When extreme dieting always keep something nasty around to kill your appetite. I prefer “go raw” Organic Lemon Super Cookies. These little gems are the perfect combination of terrible texture, vomit flavor and just a hint of lemon. I bought them in the raw section of the health food store in Tulsa. They are a great solution for those times when you’re not actually hungry and you find yourself digging around the cabinet for “a little crunchy something.”

Fat quote of the day: “Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn’t last long if you’re fat.”

I Am Not Fat, I Am a Nutritional Overachiever

15 Jan

Weigh in: 186 lbs

Total Weight Gain for the week: 9 lbs

Self Esteem: 2/10

Today my husband found out how much I weigh (along with all of my interested Facebook friends). It’s a good starting point for winning a weight loss challenge, a terrible place to start your week.

During the day I stayed so busy I didn’t really have time to eat much. I basically ended the day with 2 bananas and a couple handfuls of raw cashews. 100% raw today, 200% hungry and tired. I’m going to have to do better tomorrow.

I spent the evening at the gym. Unfortunately for me taking a week and a half off from the gym, eating Krispy Kreme and steak everyday and drinking Dr. Pepper apparently does not get you in shape. So after my first mile my heart rate was pushing 180 and I had to slow the pace to a brisk walk. I didn’t eat enough to workout anyway.

I’m planning on updating 3-4 times per week so keep an eye out for new blogs!

Fat Quote of the Day: “When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.” -Demetri Martin

Fatman Begins

13 Jan

“You’re just never going to be one of those skinny girls…”

14 years later the echo of my mother’s scorn still rings in my ears… Maybe it wasn’t all that serious, but who can forget a statement like that being whispered to them in a dressing room at the age of 13?

As punishment I repeat these words to my mother on an almost weekly basis. It’s the moment that will never die for her. 🙂 I can see her rolling her eyes at me right now, and hear her saying to herself, “That’s not what I meant.” True…However, Fatty McButter Pants was already taken on wordpress, blogspot and as a user name. So, here I am, inviting all of our friends to share in this moment with us,  because it’s all I could come up with and because she was right. I am not now, nor have I ever been “one of those skinny girls.”  I am, however, a serial yoyo dieter with occasional self-esteem issues (see: fat complex) that can usually be squashed with a donut and a pair of Spanx (shout out to Oprah and Nicole Ritchie for the help on that)! In other words, I eat because I’m fat and I’m fat because I eat… you get the picture.

You may be wondering, “Why did she just share that awful story?” Well, I began this blog as a way to share what has become a new profession for me, yoyo dieting for money! That’s right, I’m about to get paid to win a weight loss contest! They decided at work to have a contest to see who could lose the highest percentage of body weight. Winner gets $750.00. So, after 7 days of bulking (see: eating until sick on a daily basis and avoiding the gym like a disease), I am about to eat raw for the next 60 days (see: starve and work out like a ferocious wild animal). This blog is an attempt to journal my progress. Beginning tomorrow I will be sharing my weight (which I will post following our first weigh in for anyone curious), and my mood throughout the next 2 months. I am welcoming any tips, which I will likely ignore, and/or encouragement, which I will likely need as I spend the next two weeks experiencing the food DTs.